Amae Today with memories of grape goo

It’s Friday night, I sit in my la-z-boy recliner as my son cues the programs he’s recorded. All week he has recorded his favorite shows for now, no homework, no distractions, present in this moment, mom and son. We laugh along with the predictable emcee on America’s got Talent, we guess at who will win… it’s Friday night and I know, this night is magical, his friends beg to go to Highland Village for teen antics or girl watching, I understand because I had three other invites for this same night too, but no, I choose prime time with my son. He gets center stage, even if it’s just in our own living room, even if it’s just TV, with our own commentary by muting commercials. He looks at me, without words, I know what he’s thinking. I barely smile yet he knows inside I am laughing. In the familiarity, time escapes to space, and the teen before me is easily the baby I once breast fed, that mother-child bond again, indescribable, so familiar, still there, nothing like it! Why would anyone choose not to have this bond?

Reminiscent of that sweet dependency of child to parent, the expectation of acceptance and care by mom, the confident presumption of security that a truly happy child has in the presence of a loving mother. Amae, the Japanese psychiatrist Takeo Doi tagged the feeling with a word. Within that sweet dependency is the bud and building of trust, the beginning of a lifetime relationship.

This is the boy in kindergarten who asked me for a quarter to by a Popsicle at recess and when I picked him up from kindergarten that day, his backpack was wet! Did he set it in a puddle, oh no, “Mommy, I know getting a popsicle is so special because we don’t get them all the time but when we do all the kids get one, but I didn’t eat mine, I put it in my backpack to take home to share with you!” The purple syrup invaded every pocket and zipper, but my son beamed, as his friends enjoyed their treat he waited to share it with me! A long hug as he recognized the Popsicle did make it home and I recognized that it must’ve been hard for him to watch everyone else enjoy their Popsicle but that he deferred it in anticipation of sharing it with me! So we walked to a shop and split a grape twin pop, he told me about his day... though my heart sometimes mourns his younger days, my heart leaps in anticipation of his future with motherly intuition and ready with a hug. Amae has no English equivalent, but Takeo Doi said it is universal, “even a puppy does it!”

Back to now, today... Should I have gone to Addison to celebrate Oktoberfest? Should I have gone to Grapevine to hear the Le Freak band at Grapefest? Should I have gone to the house party for wine tasting in Denton? My friends might notice I'm not there.
No. I am right where I belong, right where I want to be, watching a chicken farmer win a million dollars followed by the smug mentalist solving another crime and then CSI, with homemade moderation and knowing looks and simple treats. Life is good!